Everytime
by SapphireMistress
Summary: This is our story...the two supposed to be enemies...but why these feelings? Why you? Why are you affecting me this way?


**Everytime**

**A songfic by:**

**YuuriCullen**

**AN: DISCLAIMER! I DON'T OWN THIS SONG! Everytime is by Britney Spears, and no, I don't own her either…and I don't wish to… (Laughs). L and Light are owned by Tsugumi Ohba and Takeshi Obata, the creators of Death Note who rock my world .This will be my first LxLight story…they're my favorite pairing so far… (Squeal) They rock my socks…I hope you enjoy this…Light certainly did…he took over the computer and wrote in his POV…he got his payback now…**

**Light: mwahahaha!**

**Me: that's just for now, Raito-kun…someday; I'll get my payback…**

**Light: O_O (uh-oh)**

**Well, on with the tale! Enjoy! And thanks to all those who wished me luck on my exams…I love you guys so much! Oh, and this happened after Raito-kun lost his memory…if there's some OOCness, I deeply apologize for that…I didn't want that to happen, but I think it's needed for this story to come…**

_**Notice me, take my hand,**_

_**Why are we strangers when our love is strong?**_

_**Why carry on without me?**_

(Light's POV)

I can't remember everything that happened…all I can remember is me offering to be detained by you and the rest of the task force to clear my name…to get rid of the suspicions that you are giving me…I don't want that…I…I don't want you to be doubtful of me…I want you to trust me…I want you to…I…_I want and need you to trust me_…

I look directly to the deep, black lens of the camera in my cell. "Ryuzaki! How many times do I have to tell you, I'm not Kira?!" I breathed out weakly. I'm tired…physically, emotionally, and mentally tired…I'm tired of you suspecting me…but even though you do, I have this strange feeling inside of me that just yearns to get out of here and be with you. I sighed…I really am tired…why am I thinking these things? I _must_ be going out of my mind…

After a while I started to drift off into an unpleasant sleep. I don't sleep on the bed…I usually sleep on the floor…I just sleep there…I don't know why…

"Alright. Light Yagami, you may go out now. Just wait for me to come down there." You said through the intercom. I suddenly woke up. Finally, I'm getting out of this tiny, miserable cell. But does that mean that I'm cleared of any suspicion? I doubt that. Your trust is hard to get…and probably everything else….

After a few minutes, I see you come in with the key. You unlocked the door, as I stared at your blurring form. "R-Ryuzaki?" "Yes, Raito-kun, it's me." You nodded as you walk towards me. I can see much clearly now. Your raven-black hair, pale-white skin, and your big, cute panda eyes…sometimes, I just find it weird that you really are a detective…

You started to unlock the handcuffs, and I heard a familiar 'click' which meant that I'm out of this burden…for now…

"Ryuzaki…"

"Hm? Yes, what is it?"

"I'm…tired…"

As soon as I said it, my head dropped down to your shoulder, and I passed out.

****************

I woke up the next morning on a king-sized bed, with a damp towel above my head.

"Mmph…R-Ryuzaki?" I said, my voice cracking…probably from fatigue.

"I'm here, Raito-kun."

"Why is this towel on my head?"

"Would you please just say 'Good Morning', at least?"

"Good Morning…now, why is this thing on my head?"

"Ah…good question…you have a fever, Raito-kun."

"WHAT?! But I don't get fever a lot…"

"It's a high chance that this is from over fatigue, and emotional stress."

"Oh, yeah…_you should know…_" You're the one who caused all of this…

"Well, I'm sorry for that, Raito-kun…I guess you just now need to concentrate on getting well…"

"And why is that?"

You rolled your eyes, as if I should know the answer already…oh…right…I should…

"Oh…sorry…alright…where's the medicine?"

"You'll have to take it after breakfast, or your body won't cooperate with the medicine."

"Alright…" I turned to the other side of the bed, and the towel fell off…_As if you really care about me…all you care about is catching Kira, right? _Or probably _trying to prove that I'm Kira…_That's all that matters, right? I 'm just either a friend or a foe to you…nothing more, nothing less…

But why am I being so emotional about this? Have I become attached to you in some way that even I myself didn't notice? I sighed…_the fever's getting into my brain…_

"Is everything alright, Raito-kun?"

"Yeaaaaaaahhh….I'm fiiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnneeeeee…." I rolled my eyes and did the best sarcastic tone that I have. I heard you chuckle.

"Somebody's moody today…"

"Gee…wonder who that is?" You chuckle again.

"Raito-kun…you amuse me greatly…you sound like a PMSing woman…"

"I do not!" I fumed, turning to face you. My eyes widened in shock as I found my face close you yours…or rather, yours close to mine. Your lips were in a slight curve, and your eyes seemed to be dancing.

I breathed heavily, and smelled the scent of fabric softener and strawberry cake…

"Yes, you do sound like a PMSing woman, Raito-_chan_…"

"I…do...not! This is very childish, Ryuzaki…"

"Aw…can't I have my fun for once…"

"You just did…where's my food?"

"Ah…nothing fiercer that a hungry man…" you chuckled again.

"That's twice now, _L_" I hissed, calling you by your real alias, for the reason that you really pissed me off…_geez…I do sound like a PMSing chick…_I shivered.

"Do you need more blankets, Raito-kun? You just shivered."

"No…I'm alright…I just need my food…" my stomach growled as the proof of that need…

You went in the kitchen, and recovered a tray of food. My eyes widened at the breakfast laid down for me to devour…ok…_devour_ is probably too strong for a word…uhm…_eat_…there we go…

There were strips of bacon, two eggs and a stackful of pancakes, a choice of milk, chocolate or coffee, syrup, and some apples…

"You made these?"

"No, Watari-san did…he's an excellent cook…"

"Oh, I can tell…"

"Uhm…how should I say this…'Dig in?'"

"Yeah, that's fine by me."

I started to munch down the pancakes, which were really tasty. I chomped the egg down next, saving the bacon for last. I did eat while I was detained, but I didn't have the appetite…now that I do, and I'm feeling much better, I can eat better now. I chugged down the milk, and wiped my mouth with the napkin.

"I didn't know you could eat that fast, Raito-kun."

"Ah, you don't know something? It must be the apocalypse!"

"You're getting a payback, aren't you?"

"And I'm enjoying it to the max!"

"Sometimes, I just wonder if you're faking that fever just to get the free load of food."

"Check and see."

"Alright, then."

You put your soft fingers on my neck, sending sparks flying down my spine.

"Hmm…your temperature seems to be a bit lower, but you still have the fever."

"Aw…now I can't work the case yet. I want to, though. May I still please work with you on the case…I want to solve this quickly…please?"

"No, Raito-kun…you must have your rest, for you will need it tomorrow. If your fever's gone by tomorrow, then you may…but for now, just rest and don't worry about the case…and don't even think of trying to fool me, Raito-kun…I may not know everything, but I know lots of things…" You said, as you prepared to head out to the main room of the headquarters.

"Why can't I, Ryuzaki? I thought you cared about this case as much as I do?"

"Because I care for my suspects more, Light-kun." You said as a tiny grin appeared on your face, and then you left.

_He cares for his suspects more? Then I must be the happiest suspect alive…_

**************************

_**Everytime I try to fly I fall,**_

_**Without my wings, I feel so small.**_

_**I guess I need you baby.**_

_**And everytime I see you in my dreams,**_

_**I see your face, **_

_**It's haunting me.**_

_**I guess I need you baby.**_

The next day, I felt so much better…no, wait…_I felt great!_ Thanks to the medicine that you gave me, and your constant patience, I got better. I really owe you this one, Ryuzaki.

I don't know why, but lately, I find you to be seemingly more interesting than ever. Not just by your habits-_don't even get me started with that one_- but also your mysterious personality…it seems to me that you barely have emotions at all…or are you just that good in hiding it?

"Raito-kun, is everything alright? You've been having almost six rounds of staring matches with the computer screen."

"Huh? Oh…no, it's just that…_why do I still have to be handcuffed to you?_ I mean, I just got out of that yesterday, and now I'm being handcuffed…again…"

"I just told you Raito-kun, I just need to monitor you 24/7 myself. If I just do security cameras, you might find a way to cheat on it, and somehow sneakily kill people without me knowing it. You are incredibly clever after all."

"Did I just receive a rare praise from the world's greatest detective?"

"No, I consider it as an assumption….based on fact…"

"Thanks anyway…really…"

"Don't mention it."

"No, really, thanks."

"I mean it."

"Oh…" I laughed.

Sometimes. I just can't get those moments out of my head. You seem to have a deep sense of humor after all…I find it really driving and fun to work with you. This is a good opportunity to get to know you better, and to gain your trust…

After a few more days, I started to get used to my everyday routine involving you. Everything I do, you're there…_literally._ We're chained after all…

Every morning, when I wake up, I already see you typing on your laptop, crouched in your usual position while eating sugar cubes.

I tug the chain lightly and you get off to follow me to the washroom. I do my usual hygiene stuff there, while you still take no notice and type away.

When it's your turn to take a bath, you chain me to the door…and that's just not fair…_why don't I get to chain you to the door while I'm in the washroom?_ Ah…a mystery to solve…

Afternoons are pretty much the same. We have small talk, research a little bit, then work on the case with the task force members.

I learned more about you, nothing personal, but I made my assumptions. As I learned more, the closer I felt to you….but why? _Am I actually falling for you?_

At night, I don't want to sleep…I'm being haunted by nightmares…I see you dying in front of me, and me just sitting there, not doing anything but snickering…in that dream, I was the one who killed you…your final words as your eyelids begin to close were: "Why Light? Why?"

I always wake up screaming, sweating, and shaking. No! I'm not Kira! I'm not a psycho mass murderer! I'm not going to kill you! I can't kill you…I…no…I don't want to…I'm not going to…

You always come by my side, offering some water while asking me what my nightmare was about, while running your free hand up and down my back. I just shake my head, drink the water and take deep breaths. You being by my side is enough to calm me down and to let me believe that nightmare wasn't real. You still alive and well is the most important thing to me aside from the case.

_************************_

_**I make believe that you are here,**_

_**It's the only way that I see clear.**_

One night, the worst nightmare came along. The one where you're not here. I'm sleeping in my own room now, since you released me from my handcuffs. I dearly missed that time….

You were talking to everyone, then suddenly, you dropped your spoon and fell down from your chair. You seemed to be having a heart attack. I rushed to your side, and you looked at me with wide, furious, and betrayed eyes.

"Why Light? Why?"

Your eyelids closed, and a deafening silence was heard.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! RYUZAKI!" I immediately sat up, shaking uncontrollably. I am not Kira…I can't kill someone like you…I can't…I…

"Light! What's wrong?!" My dad said, as he burst in the room.

I was panting heavily, and I was shaking…

"Light, dear, would you like some water?" My mom handed me a glass.

I chugged it down, but it didn't help. _I need you here…I need you to comfort me… _

"Dad…c-can you call Ryuzaki? I need to ask him something…"

"Are you sure, son?"

I nodded…_I'm desperate…I really need you…you're the only one who can make this go away…_

My dad called, and you came…thank heavens…you're still in one piece…

You came in, and I immediately stopped shaking.

"Good evening, Mrs. Yagami. May I please speak to your son in private?"

"Of course…but please don't stress him out…he's in a very fragile state right now."

"Understood. Thank you."

My mom went out and closed the door.

"Tell me Raito-kun…what's bothering you?"

"My nightmares…I…it's not stopping."

"I see…may I know what they are?"

"N-no…it's very…personal…"

"I see…"

"Thank you…for coming, I mean."

You just nodded, while comforting me again.

"I thought you were apathetic?"

"I just do what they do in the movies…"

"You deserve more than what you give yourself credit for."

"Thank you, Raito-kun."

I started to drift off again, but the nightmare started too.

"Ngh…no…NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!"

When will this stop?! I'm sick of this!

I was shaking again, but more violently than ever. I was clinging on to you for dear life.

"Raito-kun, do you need to take sleeping pills?"

"I DON'T WANT TO SLEEP ANYMORE!"

"Welcome to my world…"

"I'm serious, Ryuzaki!"

"Light, just tell me what it is, so I can figure things out."

"I…I was….I was…I killed you in my dream…it…it…it was horrible…"

I felt my voice going smaller as I said those words…

Hot, stinging tears were flowing down my cheeks as I held on tighter for dear life and sanity.

"Light…it's alright…it was just a nightmare…"

"Nightmares may become real…what if _I am Kira_? _What if I kill you?"_

"I'll make sure that won't happen…"

"No, really…"

You looked at me, and wiped my tears with your thumb. I sighed, then you lifted my chin up with your finger, and brushed your soft lips against mine.

I was surprised that you would do this…especially to me…I never thought that anything like this would happen…not that I object, but…urgh, I think too much…

I tangled my fingers in your hair, as the blood rushed up to my cheeks. The kiss is very gentle and careful, much like you. I pulled away for air, (darn that need for oxygen) then resumed back to it. I've got to admit, you are a great kisser…better than Misa…

This time, you pulled away, breaking the kiss…

We were both flushed, and the contrast of pink on your cheeks made you look more human, more alive.

"Why did you do that, Ryuzaki?"

"As I said, I just do what they do in the movies…"

"We should watch more movies, then." I laughed.

Thanks for being there…I think it's the only way that I'll be able to calm myself down, and keep my sanity….I won't be able to live with myself if it weren't for you…

"Why watch more movies, Light-kun?"

"Oh…nevermind I said that."

"Alright…you still need the pills?"

"Nah, I'm going to be fine…just stay here."

"Alright, if you won't mind the noise of my typing, that is."

"Ok…"

"Ryuzaki…"

"Hm?"

"Thanks…"

"Anytime…"

************************************************************************

The next day, I woke up without a single nightmare…thank heavens for that! The nightmares are probably caused by my emotional stress…jeez…I need to lighten up, or I might go insane…

I heard soft typing noises, as I opened my eyes. You were there, sitting on your usual crouch.

"Ryuzaki?"

You turned your head to look at me.

"You're awake, Light-kun."

"No, I'm still sleeping…_with my eyes open…_" I rolled my eyes to emphasize the sarcasm.

"No need for the sarcasm, Light-kun. I'm just merely stating a fact."

"Oh…" Dang it, I got owned…_again…_

"Ryuzaki, tell my why you did that last night…"

"Hm? Did what, Light-kun?"

"Don't play dumb with me…"

"Oh…_that_…"

"Well….."

"As I told you, I'm just doing what they do in the movies…"

"Not a really plausible excuse for that, Ryuzaki."

You sighed.

"I give up…I myself don't even understand…"

"What don't you understand?"

"Hm?"

"I said; what don't you understand?"

"I've been having strange assumptions on what this may be…I'd rather keep it to myself."

"No, it's alright. You can share it with me."

"No, I must keep it to myself."

I sighed, gave up, and said, "Alright…I'll respect your privacy…"

I went off to shower, while still wondering why you didn't want to give me the reason on why you did it…I sighed…I must've expected this from you…you don't want to share anything with anyone that easily…you caught me off guard again…

The thoughts of you being apathetic almost went away in my mind that night. I asked myself if you ever felt anything that night…it's too hard to tell…your face right now's still normal and a complete mask…that's how you are…I sighed again…_maybe I was being delusional when I thought you did that because…_nevermind that thought…

I tried not to think about that too much while the steamy, hot water was running through my body, giving me warmth.

_What if this is still a test to see if I were Kira?_ No…that can't be…you won't play with people like that…wait…_can you?_

As the realization hit me, a chill the warm shower can't overcome went through my spine, and a thud was heard as my knees met the floor of the tub. I can't be this weak, can I? Why are you doing this to me? Why did I do this to myself? _Why did I make myself so dependent and attached to you?_

I curled up into a ball to help me think and breathe…

**************

_**What have I done?**_

_**You seem to move on easy…**_

_**Everytime I try to fly I fall,**_

_**Without my wings, I feel so small…**_

_**I guess I need you baby.**_

_**And everytime I see you in my dreams, I see your face, you're haunting me.**_

_**I guess I need you baby…**_

(L's POV)

What have I done? Did I make my suspect fall for me? Oh no….this can't be happening…

If you fall for me, the case won't come to an end. One of us has to submit to the other and stop whatever he's doing.

_I can't fall for you…_that's what I keep telling myself, but it's too late. All things screwed up since that kiss last night. All that I've worked hard to hide up until that moment is all ruined. Because of that tiny moment, my clean façade is all ruined.

What's done is done…there's nothing I can do about it. If you figure this out, I can certainly make an excuse about it…

I'm used to doing that, making up alibis. I can make up a good alibi for you to believe, but I can't make one up for myself to believe…I sighed…

_Why did I let my emotions escape? Why did I let myself become involved with you personally? __**Why did I fall for you?**_

As I'm pondering upon my thoughts, I heard a soft thud in the showers. Being the paranoid that I am, I rushed in for I feared that something happened to the person I cared about the most…

(Light's POV)

I curled up into a ball…_how can I be so naïve? How could I be so delusional? How can I actually think that you really have some feelings for me? How?!_

As I thought more about it, I heard the door open.

"Huh?"

I thought the door was locked?

"Light-kun, are you alright?"

I gave an inaudible gasp…_Oh no…this couldn't be happening…_I don't want to see you right now…it'll just be more confusing and painful for me.

"Y-yeah…" my voice cracked as a lump in my throat started to form.

"There's something wrong. What is it?"

Again, you instantly jump to the nearest conclusion you might get.

"Nothing's wrong, Ryuzaki. Just leave me in my showertime, alright?"

"There's something wrong…I can tell, Light-kun…"

"ALRIGHT ALREADY! YOU WON! THERE _IS_ SOMETHING WRONG! No…wait…_EVERYTHING'S WRONG!"_

I gave up and broke down. You drew the shower curtains and crouched down. Hot tears flowed down from my face, but the shower's doing a pretty good job at hiding them.

"Light-kun…was the kiss last night bothering you?"

"Kind of…but…it's more on myself, really…my emotions are kind of mixed up right now…"

You brought your thumb to your lips, and thought for a moment…

"_Stand up, be a man…for Juliet's sake, rise and stand…"_

You said, reciting the Friar's comforting words in the famous tragedy, _Romeo and Juliet._

_"Juliet? Doth she not think me an old murderer, stained with blood removed but little from her own?"_

I asked, wanting to know if you still think of me as Kira, or if your suspicions have dropped, if not cleared…

You suddenly look away, with a hint of grim evident in your eyes…

"_Nothing sir, but weeps and weeps…and Tybalt calls, and on Romeo cries…"_

Was that supposed to mean that you don't think I'm Kira anymore, and that you feel the same thing as I do?"

"_O gentle Romeo, If thou dost love, pronounce it faithfully."_

I looked up; pleading for an answer I'm not ready to take if dreadfully said.

"_O sweet Juliet, thy beauty hath made me effeminate, and in my temper softened valor's steel"_

You look back, took my face in your hands, and kissed me gently. I wrapped my damp arms around you and pulled you gently in the tub. The kiss got a little deeper, the you gently moved along my jaw, sending little butterfly kisses and chills down my spine.

You slowly moved your hand down my neck, along my waist and hips, sending sparks flying up to my heart. You slowly move down my neck, gently nibbling and sucking on my skin…

"Ah…R-R-Ry-Ryuzaki…ah…ahh"

I gripped tightly on your wet shirt, then your hand moved down to my thigh, then slowly back up.

"R-Ryuzaki…nngh…"

"HEY! LIGHT! YO! MATSUDA HERE!!! CAME IN TO CHECK IF YOU'RE OKAY!"

"Damn…" We both hissed…

You pulled away, stole one lass kiss, and got out of the tub.

"COMING MATSUDA!" I shouted back, as I put on the towel and opened the door and went out to my room.

"Here, take the blow-dryer and dry yourself before you get sick."

"Alright…" You smiled and took the blow-dryer.

I rushed to the closet to find clothes and got dressed up as fast as I could. As I turned the doorknob, you came out all dry.

"That was fast…"

"I wasn't that wet…"

I bursted out laughing as I realized the other meaning of the phrase…

You glared at me, which meant that I should stop abruptly right about now…

"S-sorry…that…was...hilarious…"

"And you're the one that's calling me a pervert…"

"Sorry!"

"Ok…just go…"

I was still giggling as we walked down the stairs.

"Hey, Light, spill the joke!" Matsuda, the goofball out of the entire task force, greeted.

"I-Inside joke…" I said, still laughing my head off…

"Aww…I feel so unloved…"

"_You are_…"

"Heeeeeeeeeey!"

"Kidding…"

"Nii-san, you seem to be in a good, if not better, mood today!" Sayu, my sweet little sister, said.

"Yeah…"

"Oh…ok! Talk to you later!" she said as she headed off for school.

Uh-oh…a talk with Sayu means questions about relationships and secrets…oh crap…I'm in so much sh** later on…

As we went to the headquarters, you keep quiet, but stealing glances whenever you can. I sighed…this is hard…having a relationship like this…_the suspect and the detective_…

Most of all, we're both of the same gender…I won't care about what others may say…they may see that it's wrong, but in truth, it feels so right for me…I just don't know how my dad will take it if we'll tell them…_if we ever tell them_…

*********************

As I got home, I began to miss you already…I chuckled…_and now I understand how Misa feels…_

"Liiiiiiiiiiiiight!!!!! You said we'll talk!"

"Sayu, I thought you didn't want "the talk""

"No stupid, _the other_ talk…"

"Oh…that…" Oh sh**…_this is going to be hell_…

I walked towards my sister's room, and she locked the door.

"Soooooo….how's life?"

"Uhm…just get to the point, Sayu…"

She giggled and took a deep breath.

"Sooooo……is the cute panda-dude _the one???_"

"Huh? What do you mean?" I asked, playing dumb and trying my best to contain the feelings inside of me.

"You know…is he…well…_You like him, don't you?"_

My eyes widened, as I took all that in. _How could she know all of this in the speed faster than a speeding bullet?!_

"Aww…you're blushing…you do like him!"

"I am most certainly not…" crap…_I am_

"Liar…"

"Am not…"

"Just give it up, will ya?"

"Nope"

"Aha! Gotcha! You do like him!"

A silence filled the room, as I massaged my temples trying to calm myself down and think of the best scenario possible…

"I can see it, Light…the way when you looked at him, and you're instantly happy after that horrid scenario yesterday…he's the only one who can comfort you…_you've become so attached and dependent on him, Light"_

I was surprised at how mature she was when it comes to these kinds of things, and how she noticed it so fast…

"Was it _that_ obvious?"

"No…just a feeling I got…soul link, I guess." Sayu giggled.

"So, you like him, don't you…"

"More than…" I sighed.

"That's great!"

"You're not thinking anything else? We're both guys, Sayu!"

She squealed like a yaoi fangirl, then giggled.

"No…as long as you're happy and he's not going to hurt you, I'm happy. If he does, I'm going to kick his butt!"

I laughed.

"Thanks so much, sis…"

"Nah, it's nothing…you needed it…"

I gave her a big hug before going out and sleeping in my room.

******************************

The next few weeks, I spent the nights at the headquarters, since all this investigation is taking us so long.

It also passed on without much incident…we would talk, laugh, smack each other, then go to bed. I still wonder why you always slept next to me, but the handcuffs are not there anymore…I guess it's just a matter of habit…

After another tiring day of doing detective and hacking work, we finally go to bed.

"Aaah! Finally! I'm kinda tired…I feel like flopping on the bed right now…" I said, as I stretched my arms out.

We walked to the bedroom, and you went over to the other side, and turned on the lamps.

" 'Night Ryuzaki…"

"Goodnight, Light-kun…"

As I propped my pillows, your gentle lips brushed mine…

This continued after a few minutes, sometimes interrupted for needs for oxygen. My heart was racing, and my mind was spinning…I…I wanted to try something different this time…..

I started to loosen up my tie, then threw it to the floor. I was unbuttoning my shirt, when…

"Light…what exactly are you doing?"

I gasped, and all the earth came back crashing down on me.

"R-Ryuzaki…I-I'm sorry…I…I wasn't thinking...I-"

You interrupt me with a kiss again, but this time, it's a bit more passionate, yet still gentle.

The adrenaline is seeping through my veins, and my emotions are scattered all over the place.

You wrap your arms around my waist…hesitated, then slowly started undoing my belt buckle.

My back gave out, and I rested it on the bed. I started undoing your jeans, then threw them off the floor. We started removing all the clothing items that might be in the way, and left them in the pile on the floor. The kiss continued, and I felt your tongue gently slithering in my mouth. This continued for a few more seconds, until I pulled away and turned over, lying on my stomach.

"L-Light…w-what are you doing?" you asked in a nervous voice, and your face flushed.

I turned over again, facing you. "R-Ryuzaki…" it was all that I can say…

I pulled you into a kiss, then pulled away.

"A-are you s-sure? I-I mean…we don't have to…"

"I'm sure…"

"But why?"

"Well…I….I _want to be yours forever_…"

You looked at me, asking for permission, and I nodded.

I lay on my stomach again, and I felt your body against mine.

"T-tell me if it hurts, alright?"

I nodded.

I felt a sudden sensation as I felt you gently go inside me. Sudden and mixed emotions and sensations went through me, and my heart was beating double-time. It was painful, yes, but it's worth it…

I gripped on to the pillowcases, as it went on, hitting harder each time. My face was flushed, and I was sweating.

I bit on my lip, and contained in whatever noise I might make, but I failed.

"Aaah…R-Ryuzaki…ah…ahh…nngh…"

"L-Light...a-are you alright?" you panted.

"Y-yeah…ahh…keep…going…mmph…"

The heat was blazing faster as this went on. You would sometimes run your hand across my chest, making my heart jump.

"Ahh…f-faster…ahh…ahh…R-Ryuzaki….aaah…mmph…R-Ryu—L!"

I gripped the posts on the headboards, as the sensation was overwhelming me. It became faster and more rugged, as I moaned and begged for more. You were touching me, and stroking me gently.

After a few more minutes, the adrenaline seemed to drain out in my system and in yours. You stopped, and flopped down on the bed beside me, stroking my face gently.

I wrapped myself with the sheets that are now starting to turn red.

"Are you alright, Light-kun? D-did it hurt that bad?"

"No...not really…besides, it was worth it…" I smiled, as my consciousness began to fade.

"Goodnight, Light-kun…" you said, as you wrapped your arms around me.

" 'Night…" I yawned, and let sleep and darkness take over…

******************

The next morning, I woke up to find myself wrapped in red. _Oh snap…this will be hard to get rid of…_

I looked at the side next to me, and there you were, my raven-haired angel, sleeping peacefully.

I laughed and caressed your face. _You might be so tired after all that happened yesterday……_

I tried to sit up, but I failed. It was still painful to sit, but I can manage.

I got up, limped my way into the shower, and took a nice, hot bath.

The shower floor was filled with diluted blood, then it went down the sink.

The hot water helped my tense muscles relax, and helped me to think if what's going to happen now…I certainly don't want to think about it…

All that matters for now is for us to stay alive, and to catch Kira. Also, keeping the relation secret too, is vital for now…maybe after all of this, I'll let Misa down gently, and continue our lives…

I sighed…I hate letting the poor girl down…maybe after that, I'll find her a perfect match so she'll forget me easily and she won't be hurt for long…I hate hurting the feelings of others…it's just not right…

I got dressed, making sure that the blood won't go leaking through my boxers. I glanced at the bed again, and you were still sound asleep…

"HEY, UHMM…RYUZAKI, WE'RE HERE…CAN YOU LET US IN?" Matsuda spoke through the speaker.

"Hey, it's Light…I'll let you guys in." I pressed the green button to the farthest corner of the system, and the door opened.

"HEEEEEEEY, WHAT'CHA DOIN—Where's Ryuzaki?"

"Oh, hey Matsuda and Mogi-san. Hello, Dad!"

" Yes, Light…where in the world is Ryuzaki?"

"Oooh…he's kinda wiped out from last night's **investigation**…he slept in…"

"Really? Boy, investigations sure can be tiring…"

_Right on, Matsu…right on…_

I laughed on the inside as I realized the meaning behind the words that I just said…_investigations can really wipe one out…_

As we prepared the paperwork, I saw you coming out of the bedroom, still rubbing your eyes like a five-year old.

"Oh, here he is…" Matsuda turned his head on your direction and waved hello. You gave a tiny head tilt back. You looked at me, and gave me a head tilt too. I just smiled back.

I think things will always be like this whenever the task force people are around, especially my dad. I wondered if Watari already knows, or you intend to keep this secret from him, too.

As the day droned on, little progress was made, and everything stayed the same, except for the pain…it wasn't killing me that much anymore…thank goodness…

"Light…"

"Hm? Yes Dad?"

"Can I talk to you for a minute?"

Oh sh**….I'm in huge trouble…

"Uh…sure??"

"Alright…do you mind, Ryuzaki?"

"No…it's alright."

"Okay then…"

My dad went outside of the other people's hearing range, and I followed…after that, he started bombarding me with questions…

"Light…what did you two do last night?"

"Dad, I told you we were investigating the case…"

I groaned internally…I hate lying to my dad…but it's not actually lying…part of it was true…

"Aside from that…"

"Hm? What do you mean?"

"I noticed you were wincing everytime you sat."

Oh sh**…I was, but I tried not to be obvious about it…

"Oh, I kinda fell down on my butt yesterday…slipped on a banana peel. The garbage can was out and messy, so I decided to clean it up, but then…yeah…I slipped…"

My dad looked at me as if I was telling him that female seahorses are the ones who carry the babies in their pouches…

"Light…I know you're lying…just tell me the truth when you feel like it…if Ryuzaki hurt you, I'll drop out of this case and take you along with me, understood?"

"Dad, Ryuzaki didn't do anything, I swear…"

"Good to know…let's go back in…"

"Alright…"

"Son…you know I trust you, right?"

I nodded. "Of course, Dad."

"Good..."

We went back inside, and most of the task force members are getting ready to leave. They said their goodbyes and left, leaving us two alone.

"Did you tell Watari?"

You looked at me, then at the floor.

"He figured it out for himself…I'm sorry…"

I was surprised at your words and apology.

"No, it's alright…he has a right to know, and besides, you said he figured it out for himself, right?"

"Well…yes…Watari-san caught me with the stained sheets earlier in the morning."

"Oh…then he put two and two together…"

"Exactly."

"Well, he's good at keeping secrets that need to be kept, so I hope he won't tell anyone about this without consulting us first."

"I hope…"

The nights were the same…we have a small talk, then go to bed…we don't do anything, as I'm still recovering…

This is just the way I wanted my life to be…this is the best life for me…_for us_…

******************************

A few more days passed, and more progress was made…

"Ryuzaki, Misa-Misa…she's gone! I lost track of her!"

"Mogi-san, come back here in the HQ, and we'll try to sort things out, alright?"

"Right…I'll be there as soon as I can…"

Misa…gone? Has she been kidnapped? Oh great, another case on our hands that we don't need…what exactly are you planning to do, Misa? Jeez…

We waited for a few more hours, and then Misa came bursting in the room from the elevator.

"Look! Misa has finally found the Yotsuba Kira! I have it here on tape!" She raised her phone up high and pressed the play button…we heard the entire conversation…_brilliant_…I have to say, Misa should be like that most of the time…if she was, then that would be great…she would be less annoying, and more people will like her, and she'd be more useful in this investigation.

We waited for a few days to come up with a plan, and then…after a few more hours, it will be set to action…

The news is starting, and the plan is too…I just hope we'll make it out of this alive…

A few more minutes, and we're out…

*********************

"Ryuzaki, I didn't know that you could fly a helicopter…"

I said, amazed, at how you can accomplish so many things, and do so much stuff…and yet, I should know that…you're the 'greatest detective in the world' as others might say…

"I can… a few hours of training is all it takes…"

"You ready?"

You nodded.

"Watari-san, are you ready?"

"Yes…"

We flew closer and closer to Higuchi, and now we can see him from up close. I shivered. This guy is creepy-looking…he sure can be a Kira suspect immediately…

The incidents outside seemed to be in fast motion…dad screaming and seeing something that's not there, you touching the notebook, and I looking at it…

**************

All things came rushing by me. The fragments of hidden memories buried a long while. Most of my old ones from the detention up to now are blurred and erased. But all my ancient ones involving the death note are refreshed and revisited. I screamed as the adrenaline coursed through me…

_**Everything went exactly as planned…**_

I snickered as I realized that all of my carefully plotted plans are put into action…a few more seconds and I can make my move…

I will kill Higuchi, making me the owner of the note, and disposing of the evidence….now…I only need your name, and I will bring you down!

I waited until your attention wasn't centered on me, and I turned the hidden knob on my watch four times…ah…there it is…the hidden piece of the note…this sure comes in real handy…

I pricked my finger and wrote Higuchi's name on the piece. I waited anxiously and excitedly for Higuchi's doom to come…

Ah! There it is! He fell down and lay unconscious on the ground! Now, only a few more days left, and _**you'll be next, L!**_

*********************

We went back to the headquarters and did a little more investigating and questioning for Rem, the shinigami.

Hah…she won't say anything…she never will…she knows better than to just talk…she cares about Misa too much, and she knows if she gives them even a hint of who the real Kira is, Misa will be upset, and she doesn't want that to happen now, does she?

Sometimes, I feel like Rem's too empathetic for Misa…she shouldn't be…she's a shinigami, for crying out loud!

Ah…and I may use that empathy to kill L…to finally be able to get rid of him, and to continue delivering sentences for those who deserve it.

I devised the plan, and it's time to put it into action…a few more days should do it…

********************

(L's POV)

As the days went on, you seemed to be colder, harder to reach…_unreachable…_you seemed to be moving away from me and the relationship's not really there…

What made you move on so easy, and why is this hard for me? Why is there a hidden glint of loathing in your eyes whenever you look at me? It seemed to come back after we caught Higuchi…_is the notebook the reason why?_

It seems to be…maybe your memories of being Kira came back and took over you…but why can't you remember anything from the past weeks?

Why is this hurting me badly? Why is there a longing feeling in me that never leaves? Why does my heart feel like it's crushing everytime I see you glare at me for no odd reason? Most importantly…_Why are you making me suffer like this?_

********************

_Ouch_…here it goes again…why do everytime I sit, there's this pain in my behind? Where the heck did that come from? I can't remember, but I should…

Which memories did I forget? Were they vital in this plan? Ah…nevermind that thought…all that matters to me now is to get rid of you, and fast…

But why is that everytime I think of doing it, my heart aches, and a little illogical voice argues with me? It's telling me not to kill you and to just stop being Kira and let you live…I'd just push that thought away, and think about other things…

The voice is reasonable, but I can't stop…I _must_ continue what I'm doing…rotten people should get what they deserve, and I must create an ideal world for all the good people to live in…I'm the only one who can do it… I'm one of the just people who have the strength and right intentions to do it…

************************

This is the day….finally…_the day of your death_…I've won, L…it's over for you…

You were eating again as you looked at the screens and I stood there by your side, anxiously waiting for Rem to do something to save Misa from being arrested again. The screens suddenly went blank, and a holographic 'W' in the old English font came into view…

You and Watari talked for awhile, and then…

"Urgh! Aaaagh!"

"Watari-san, are you alright?"

I sneered inside…_Of course he's not…_he's having a heart attack…_whoa, Rem…I didn't imagine that you would go this far…_

"All data deleted"

What's that supposed to mean? And as if reading my mind, you blurted out an answer.

"I told Watari to delete all the data just in case something happened to him…"

Ah! So my plan did work…I tried hard not to smirk as my plans come into action…

I never knew that you would be this gullible, L…this was fun while it lasted…

"_Why are you doing this to him?! Why?"_

A tiny voice was crying out to me…damn it!

"_Stop that! Stop being illogical!"_

_"I'll stop if you stop Rem from killing him!"_

_"No! My ideal world is coming neatly into pieces! I've gone this far…why should I stop now?"_

_"BECAUSE YOU LOVE HIM, YOU IDIOT!"_

_"NO WAY IN HECK I WOULD LOVE SOMEONE LIKE HIM!"_

_"When in doubt, ask the shinigami!"_

As the mental battle stopped, the war between us had begun to cease…

"Everyone, the shinigami—"

Your eyes widened in shock, and everything became in slow-motion…

_**I may have made it rain, **_

_**Please forgive me…**_

_**My weakness caused you pain…**_

_**And this song's my sorry…**_

The spoon you held dropped on the floor, and left a loud 'clang' ringing in my ears.

Your body dropped down to the floor, and making a dull thud against it. The chair rolled off, and crashed to the floor. I immediately stooped down and picked your body up, trying to hide my smirk, as my victory is declared….

Ah, forget it, I'll smirk all I want, because you're down, and nothing's going to change that…

You suddenly look at me with understanding and loving eyes…

_What the heck?!_

"L-Light…I forgive you…"

_What the heck are you talking about? Why are you forgiving me? Aren't you supposed to hate me for killing you? Aren't you supposed to be L, my enemy? _

The other task members didn't hear a thing, and were staring in horror…they all went outside and called 911…_as if that's going to help…_

You gently caress my cheek and then…

Your body went limp against mine…

"_Why, Light? Why?!"_

A tiny voice echoed through my head, as I recalled that exact scene from my once-forgotten nightmare…

Everything went by in a flash…

All the long-lost memories and feelings, it went back with my new ones…

"I…I did this?" I stared down at my hands, and gently put your body down…

I'm a monster…how could I ignore my intuitions and go on with my plans?

_I'm sorry I've been so weak, Ryuzaki…I'm sorry…_

If I only knew, I wouldn't have done this…_Why did I become so weak?_

Silent tears came by, and an ache greater than the earth crashed through me.

I knelt down, and kissed your lips for one last time…

_Sleep, my raven angel…sleep peacefully…_

"_Greater than saying I love you a thousand times is saying 'I love you' only once and meaning it, and greater than making out a thousand times is just one kiss…"_

_-Inspired by the doujinshi "Kiss"_

************************************************************************

_**At night I pray…**_

_**That soon your face will fade away…**_

_**And everytime I try to fly I fall, without my wings, I feel so small…**_

_**I guess I need you baby…**_

_**And everytime I see you in my dreams, I see your face,**_

_**You're haunting me…**_

_**I guess I need you baby…**_

After the paramedics had closed the body bag, I ran outside and took a cab to my house. I can't bear this…I…

_My nightmare came true…_

After all of the things we went through, I easily forgot all of those? Stupid Ryuk and his rules…

I wish I remembered this long before…I wish I hadn't killed you…

****************

As soon as I got in my room, I flopped down on the bed and let the sorrow escape and engulf me…

_Everytime I sleep, the nightmares and the pain keeps on haunting me…It doesn't stop there…all the times we spent together and the plans I have made keep flashing in my head…it's so contradicting and confusing…but for me, I have done the most brutal thing in my life…I can't forgive myself…I can't imagine how you forgave me…this guilt is eating me alive! I can't live anymore! I can't live with this guilt and…I can't live without you…Sayu was right…__**I was dependent on you for my dear life**__…_

I got up and went to my desk and looked for the drawer where I kept the death note…

This pain in my heart is killing me, I'm broken, and I think this will really kill me…literally…

I wrote down the last name to be written down in the death note…then the details of death after…

_**Light Yagami (………….)**_

_"Tybalt, liest thou there in thy bloody sheet?_

_O, what more favor can I do to thee,_

_Than with that hand that cut that youth in twain_

_To sunder his that was thine enemy?"_

With these hands and this notebook that killed you, I will kill myself…

I feel myself standing up and rushing outside to get a cab...

"Where to?" the driver asked.

"The Kanto Cemetery please"

"At this time of the night?"  
"Yes."

"Alright, then…"

We drove to the cemetery and I thought of nothing else but you and the death note that killed you…I'll be better off this way…

I went to the cemetery, and laid down a blood-red rose on your grave…

I waited for a few more seconds, then it started…

The pain in my chest started to become worse and worse after each second that passes by…

I clutched my chest and everything started spinning and falling…

I fell to the ground, thinking of you, and I said the two hardest things to say…

"_I'm sorry Ryuzaki…and I love you…"_

And everything went blank…

_For those who said that you can't die of a broken heart…_

_**I proved you wrong…**_

_**Light Yagami:**_

_**Will have a heart attack at his lover's grave…**_

**AN: HOLY SHIZZ! I AM FINALLY DONE THIS BABY! THIS IS GOING TO BE HUGE…HUGE, I SAY! I PASSED MY EXAMS, THANKS TO YOUR SUPPORT, GUYS! AND YES, THIS TOOK ME ALMOST TWO FREAKIN MONTHS TO DO!!!!!! I HOPE YOU LIKE IT! MY FIRST EVER LEMON, SO NO FLAMES, PPL…AND YES, THIS IS MY FIRST LXLIGHT WORK TOO! I AM SO FREAKIN PROUD OF THIS PIECE OF WORK! (Laughs) I NEED MORE REVIEWS, PPL, SO PLEASE DO! REVIEWS ARE LOVE AND COOKIES! THIS IS A TREAT FOR YOU ON HEARTS DAY! IT'S TRAGIC, BUT HEY, THAT'S WHAT I WRITE…O_O I DON'T WRITE LEMONS SO YEAH…O_O HOPE YOU ENJOYED IT!**


End file.
